


Nights Like These

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Emotional Abuse, Guilt, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, Past Infidelity, bad relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-05 01:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14606280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: Thomas didn’t always come home, after nights like these.Most of the time, Alexander thought of it as a sort of blessing.





	Nights Like These

Thomas didn’t always come home, after nights like these.

Most of the time, Alexander thought of it as a sort of blessing.

His breath would smell like cheap liquor, and his hands would feel as though they were coated in dust and a certain kind of itch that made his skin crawl. Almost in the way one feels while cleaning out the belongings of someone who has recently passed on. It feels like an intrusion, though what was once theirs now holds a certain level of detachment. A part of Thomas hadn’t died, though.

Thomas was still Thomas, as ice cream is still the same when cold or melted. Something about the internal structure is different, though. In ice cream, it is formed of many small ice crystals all together, so when melted, simply freezing it again will not create what had been lost. Thomas was simply refrozen, softness giving way to something not quite ice.

So it only made sense that when the front door slammed open at half-past eleven at night, chills set path along Alexander’s spine. His shoulder instinctively hunched over, teeth finding their way onto his lower lip, biting down in a sharp distraction from an all too different sort of pain. Heavy, careless footsteps echo through the house, crashing down on hardwood floors that Alexander had laid down on during heatwaves, seeking the soothing cool. Maybe if he laid still, the fire wouldn’t burn as harshly. Maybe if he was quiet enough, Thomas wouldn’t-

“Alex… Where’re you, Lexy?” Thomas called out, unable to properly separate the words in his sentences, syllables melding together like rainwater on freshly spilled ink across a page. It had been so long since Thomas spilled ink with Alexander that his hands would begin to shake with the effort to try and remember such a thing. “Lexy… C’mon I saw y’r car in the driveway…”

“…I was just getting ready for bed, Tommy,” Alexander replied, voice only the slightest bit uneven as he shut his laptop closed, not wanting to seem uninterested in his husband’s words. There was no use in a repeat of last week. “Did you take a cab home?”

“Nah, I’m alright to drive,” Thomas said dismissively, stumbling over to the couch and leaning over the side, leaning over the side and pressing his cheek against the side of Alexander’s head. “Even managed to park cr’ec..”

“…Maybe you can take a cab home from the bar, next time?” Alexander suggested, standing up from the couch and walking around it slowly, not wanting to seem like some sort of threat. “For me? I couldn’t bear to see you get hurt…”

“Why’d you think I’d get hurt? You think I can’t fucking drive, Alex?” Thomas asked defensively, snarling down at the shorter man. “I can do plenty of things when I’m drunk, things you can’t do when you’re sober- like keeping my dick in my own fucking pants!”

Alexander winced at the reminder of his past transgressions, biting his lip even harder, hard enough to taste copper. “I know, Tommy, and I’m so lucky that you took me back, even after what I did to you. I don’t deserve you, even if you have a… nevermind.”

“No, Alex,” Thomas interjected with spite in his voice, leaning forward to tower over his partner forebodingly. “Tell me what I have. If you had something to say, you’d better fucking say it, like you said everything about your affair to everyone we know.”

“I… I was just going to say that you have… a little bit of a problem,” Alexander whispered, eyes focused on the floor in shame. He was an idiot to say the truth, especially after how his words had hurt Thomas before. He wasn’t worth being taken back, being treated with even the slightest bit of respect, and he knew it. It had been a small miracle that Thomas even let him sleep in the same bedroom, he didn’t mind the cool hardwood floor against his tired body most nights, and when Thomas wanted sex, he could sleep on the mattress. Deserving even that was more than he could have hoped for, and he had to go ruin it all again. “I know that you started drinking more after what I did, but I just worry about your health with how often-”

“You don’t know shit, Alexander!” Thomas cut him off, pushing him away with much less force than usual as he grabbed his keys off from the table he’d set them down on. “You think I have problems? Fine! I’ll go have my problems away from a human embodiment of a goddamned problem!”

“Wait, I didn’t mean that, please come back!” Alexander called out shakily, running after his husband as the man began to walk down the stairs to the front door. “You don’t have any problems but me, I’m so sorry, please, let me make it up to you, Thomas…”

“See how easy that was?” Thomas asked, walking up to Alexander and pulling him close with a tight grip around his waist. “All you had to do was apologize. Now, go to the bedroom, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Gotta take care of my drinking problem a little.”

“No! You don’t have to do anything! We can go together!” Alexander told him, forcing a smile on his face as he returned the embrace as best he could. “We can go to bed together, and you can be so kind to me. I don’t deserve it, and I don’t deserve you. So please… let me make things right.”


End file.
